Every one of us has been born into a family we have not chosen and depending on the relationship we have with our parents, siblings and extended family this can be fruitful and positive or discouraging and negative. But no matter how your upbringing was, some of it might have programed your mind in believing certain things to be right and true.
We are bombarded with value judgments for all our lives, and depending on our age and emotional situation at the time, and who is imposing the opinion, some affect us more than others.
So depending on how many ‘huts’ (daughter or son, mom or dad, spouse, friend, work colleague, business partner etc.) you have to wear in your life, you might want to evaluate each relationships.
Life has several cycles in which we are exposed to opinions and believes of right and wrong. When we grew up for example we depended on our parent’s opinion. During our teen years we rebelled and looked for new role models. Then from teen to midlife we are trying our own model and seek for balance. And the so called mid-life crises, for most people it is the point in life where they realise that they are not balanced at all. While some judgments prove to be very valuable, others are destructive.
What are the imposed values and judgments in your life?
One way to identify and look at the affects those have on your life is the ‘Should Analysis’. It is a self-exploration exercise where you look for examples of you saying to yourself, “I should”, or hearing from your mind “you should”, “you must”, “just do it, don’t argue”, “don’t be stupid, get on with it”, etc. Take a moment and write your thoughts down, for example ‘I should not make mistakes, complaint, depend on others’, etc.
I have learned a great lesson from Mr Les Brown, who is a motivational speaker, who asked me and everyone else in the audience in one of his workshops:
“Are you in the DISCOURAGEMENT CLUB or in the ENCOURAGEMNT CLUB?”
He continued to explain: “The main differences of the two are toxic relationships. By evaluation your relationships and deciding who is an asset to you and who is a liability you choose the club you are in.”
Make a list of all relationships you have and group them in family, work relationships and friends. Then think about who has positive, encouraging influence on you and who has low standards and discourages you in a way that is not healthy for your state of mind.
You might want to consider separating yourself, or keeping contact to a minimum with people who are discouraging and who don’t have goals and dreams or share similar values, because people’s views will eventually rub off on you.
I am a strong believer of self-development in regards to all aspects of life, therefore I hope you enjoyed my series of ‘Spring Clean Your Business, Home, Health and Relationships’!
All the Best,
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